Lessons in Faith

I've been a christian for years. A believer in a God who is loving, caring, stronger than we can ever be, and who has a complete plan for our lives laid out from the beginning.

I learned a lot over the past few months. But the biggest is that when we put all of us into Him, anything is possible.

The word all is what I want to stress. Not just us on Sunday. Not just us when we need something and we come to Him in prayer. Not just us when we're praising Him for something good in our life. But all of us.... all the time.

As I have previously mentioned, we have been trying for baby #2 for over a year. That year was full of prayers each month that we would get pregnant. Usually, most of those coming right after I realized that month wasn't a successful one. When we moved to Alabama in May before starting residency, we made it a mission to find a church that we would feel at home in... something we were never able to find in other cities we lived in. Luckily, we found just that place at the second church we visited, and we quickly joined the church and began going to a small group. This church gave me a drive like I have never had before to study God's word and grow in my relationship with Him. Quiet time each day, studying His word, and truly wanting to know Him in a way I haven't was now the highlight of my day. I looked forward to nap time for a different reason now... not just getting a little break, but for the opportunity to have my quiet time with God. I began praying not for us to be able to get pregnant again, but for Him to reveal His plan for the continual growth of our family, whether that be another biological child or for our "future" plans to adopt (something I've always known I would do) to be the next step for us.  I finally realized that He knew how our family was going to look, and I needed to quit trying to be in control of that and hand it over to Him completely. And I prayed this every.day.

God's hand in our life has also been revealed to me in another way. Four to five years ago He brought a new face into my life. We became friends, but because of busy lives, never had time to grow that friendship into anything really close. But over that time, we kept being pulled back together through seemingly the most random occasions. Moving to same cities, being placed together for school requirements, having kiddos a few months apart. Through all of these events we never lost connection with one another. A few months ago this sweet friend recommended the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility to me. She graciously sent me her copy, I read it in about 2 days, and instantly took the things it taught and started to apply them in our trying to conceive journey.  Two months later, I found out I was pregnant. And I know it's because of the things I learned in that book.
This same sweet friend helped me through the day to day struggle as I learned I was miscarrying and as I was recovering through my ruptured ectopic pregnancy. She sent encouragement and prayers my way and I was very thankful for that.
Almost exactly one month after I miscarried, this same friend found out she was going through something very similar. Now we were able to be there to cry with each other, ask questions to each other, and encourage each other. 
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that God knew what he was doing 5 years ago when He placed her in my life and He made sure that throughout our busy lives we didn't lose connection with one another. Because at this chapter in our life we would need each other to make it through.

I think the biggest revealing of God's faithfulness came through the sense of peace I was given throughout the miscarriage. I have mentioned in previous post the gut feeling that something wasn't right starting the first day I knew I was pregnant. Because of this gut feeling, I instantly prayed daily for peace in whatever was to come. I didn't want to pray that the baby would be okay, because I knew that God already knew what was going to happen and there was nothing I could do to truly change that.i had given my body and my family over to Him. He was faithful enough to give me the baby, so I needed to keep up my end of the deal and continue to give my everything over to Him. I just wanted a feeling of peace within my heart at whatever the outcome was.   As I was faced with the news that I was miscarrying only days later, that sense of peace was never felt stronger. I knew He wasn't taking from me, He was only saying "not yet". I didn't break down in the hospital. I truly felt at peace with what had happened. He had revealed to me that I can in fact get pregnant, and I had to trust in Him to carry me through the next chapter. Now don't get me wrong... I've had my days of sorrow and crying.... but even in those moments I still had that peace.

Now I'm able to see God's faithfulness and hand in my life through all the things the last several months has brought upon me. He lead us to Alabama. He lead us to our church home. He put that special friend in my life and kept them there. He gave me the peace I prayed for. And in all the seemingly small things, such as Daniel being on nights when all this happened letting him be at home when I would need him the most, the original doctor I planned on seeing wasn't taking new patients therefore me taking an appointment with my wonderful doctor now, computers freezing when my mom was trying to book a ticket back home letting her be there for when my ectopic ruptured. All of these things just reaffirm the hand of God in every. single. thing. we do.

As I made a special candle holder to light on October 15th, I painted the word "Faith" on it. Because if there's one thing I have learned from my Angel Baby and God..... it's faith. True, 100% faith.

I'm a big music person and I often turn to music to say the words I can't or to help me heal. This song here....I listen to this song at least every other day. It's just so so perfect.

I come, God, I come
I return to the Lord
The one who's broken
The one who's torn me apart
You struck down to bind me up
You say You do it all in love
That I might know You in Your suffering

Though You slay me
Yet I will praise You
Though You take from me
I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who's all I need

My heart and flesh may fail
The earth below give way
But with my eyes, with my eyes I'll see the Lord
Lifted high on that day
Behold, the Lamb that was slain
And I'll know every tear was worth it all

Though You slay me
Yet I will praise You
Though You take from me
I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who's all I need

Though tonight I'm crying out
Let this cup pass from me now
You're still all that I need
You're enough for me
You're enough for me

Though You slay me
Yet I will praise You
Though You take from me
I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who's all I need
Sing a song to the one who's all I need

 And I shared this video before, but these words have especially stood out to me more now than ever.

"What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy"

Liebster Award

So a blog "friend" of mine (I feel like we're all "friends" in our little blogging community of medical wives) nominated me for the Liebster Award!
And if she hadn't already received it I would definitely nominate her as well! Mandy at The Boyer Family has a great, happy, uplifting blog about her family (two super adorable kids) and day to day life (parenting, faith, crafts, etc) during their journey of med school!

The Liebster Award is an award that small bloggers (less than 200 followers) are giving out to one another to recognize their cute blogs and honor their stories they tell on them. 

And it sort of reminds me of those fun chain emails we use to all do years ago.... and who doesn't love a little nostalgia?!

So the Liebster goes something like this...

1. Post 11 random facts about yourself.

2. Answer 11 questions the tagger has given you, and write 11 questions for the blogs your tag.

3. Choose 11 deserving bloggers (or however many you can) that have less than 200 followers.

4. Tell them you've tagged them by commenting on their blog.

5. No tag backs.

6. Grab a Liebster Award button and display it on your page!

So here it goes!! 11 random facts about me...

1. I'm an awful cook. Bake… I can do. But cooking, not so much. I think it comes down to a) my inability to make decisions, and b) a fear of failure
2 My favorite outfits consist of leggings and Daniel's big tshirt… I'm pretty fancy… what can I say??
3. I can't make decisions. Ever. It drives Daniel crazy. But really it's just because I'm super easy to please and don't really have a strong opinion on most things
4. I lived in the same house from birth until moving out for collage…. only 20 minutes away :)
5. I became an aunt at age 3. I now have  3 nieces (plus one step niece and one little one on the way), 2 nephews, and 2 great nephews… bringing my count to 9. I felt completely comfortable becoming a mom bc I was basically changing diapers while I was still in diapers ;)
6. My BFF and I have been friends since 1st grade (we're now almost 26), and since the age of 13 have lived thousands of miles apart. Truly a gift.
7. I'm super shy and awkward when first meeting people. It takes me awhile to warm up and completely feel comfortable. But when I'm do I'm pretty sarcastic and love to laugh.
8. I'm super empathetic… .to the point of being ridiculous. I can't even watch anything with any sort of violence or injustice or such because it literally makes my heart hurt. I guess it's a good trait…. but it def. gets annoying sometimes.
9. I'm not a good communicator… at all. Unless through writing (hints my love for blogging).
10. I have a really progressive look at education…. and despite being an early childhood educator (who for the most part work in elementary schools) I really dislike what probably 98% of elementary schools are doing and it's going to kill me when Dax has to start going to one… or if I ever have to start working in one.
11. I'm happy and feel more fulfilled being a stay at home mom than I ever did working.

11 Questions from Mandy!

1. Morning or night person?

     Morning if I can just be lazy (aka never with a kiddo at home)… but night any other time.
2. Do you want a big or little family?
     I've learned that what you want doesn't really matter because God has a plan larger than your wants or needs. But with that said, I have always seen myself adopting in the future.
3. What always puts you in a good mood?
     A hug from my monkey…. and Starbucks :)
4. What is your biggest fear?
     Car crashes. I have no idea why. But it is def. a constant fear of mine anytime I'm in a car.
5. Favorite Movie?
     Grease… hands down :)  If I could make my life a musical I would. No doubt about it.
6. Road tripper or flyer?
     I've only flew a few times… but I still prefer road trips. Love riding in a car with the family and seeing a ton of new things.
7. What is your favorite quote or scripture?
     Be the change you wish to see in the world - Gandhi.  I love it so much that I had "Be the Change" on the top of my graduation cap and plan on having it on the walls in Daxtons new room

8. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
     My irrational fear of failure for sure. I would do so much more.
9. Matthew McConaughey or Christan Bale? 
     Tough one. I'm usually a tall dark and handsome kind of girl (which would be Christian Bale)… but something about the charm of Matthew McConaughey wins me over.
10. Favorite work out to do?
     Pilates… by far. Basically the only work out I'll do :)
11. Favorite cleaning tip learned or that you've heard of?
     We keep a "stuff" basket of the corner of our kitchen cabinet (the spot in our house that would catch all of our random junk). We put our stuff in there now (so at least that corner isn't all cluttered up) and empty the basket out every now and then, taking stuff back to it's original home.

And here are my nominations for The Liebster Award!

1. Stacy @ Stacy & Charlie

2. medicine: a love story

3. Melissa @ Our Lovely Story (this is my BFF... and she doesn't blog much anymore because she pretty occupied with this gem... but there are some great resources on there in her past post)

4. Ivory @ Mack Attack

5. Lindsay @ Baby Mama Drama

6. Chrissie @ Pursuits of a Witty Life

7. Elle @ Lab Coats and Liabilities

8. Hillary @ Homegrown in KY

9. Taylor @ How I Met Your Father

10. Jennifer @ From the Corner of My Couch

11. Just Another Doctor's Wife

And here are my questions for my nominees!

1. What's your guilty pleasure (reality TV, junk food, etc)?
2. What's your absolute favorite blog to read?
3. Your dream house…. big and fancy, or simple and quaint?
4. If you wanted to/ could go back to collage… what would you study?
5. Favorite song and why?  Sorry… I"m a music person :)
6. First thing you would do if you won the lottery?
7. Your perfect day looks like………..
8. Channing Tatum or Adam Levine?
9. Favorite place to do some online shopping at?  :)
10. Favorite go to family meal? (I need ideas folks!)
11.  And the question we've all thought about before… if you were stuck on a deserted island… what 3 things would you want to have with you?

First Birthday: The Goodies!

This little boy is so unbelievably loved!  We had such a good turn out at the party and of course everyone came baring the best goodies for him. The hard part was figuring out what to do with all of it once we got home!

This was his gift from mommy and daddy!! This little boy is such a monkey that we knew we had to get him something for him to get his energy out on! We were also so excited about it that we gave it to him the morning of his party... we just couldn't wait any longer :)    He loves it and spends a lot of time climbing up and down and rolling balls and cars down the slide. It was a hit!

I knew ahead of time that keeping a one year olds attention the entire time you're opening a ridiculous amount of presents wasn't very realistic. So I didn't fret too much when he sat for about 3 presents and then took off to play with his cousins.  We occasionally rounded him back up to come see his new toys but he was quickly off again. Chasing Cheyenne & Zain around was much more fun than all the toys :)   But he really did get so spoiled from all of our friends and family! There was just so much love!

Wowzer!! This was the stash all laid out when we got back to Bixby! Good thing Daniel & I drove separate cars to OKC or I don't know what we would have done!  For about a week it looked like Toys R Us exploded in our living room but I think we have things pretty much put away where we want them now. We'll def be rotating toys in and out so he doesn't get bored with the same things all the time.  We'll also be getting rid of the couch (in the picture with all the toys). Right now it's just sitting in his play area holding all of our junk so I'd say that's a good move. Books, cars, balls, ball pits, push toys, and V-Tech toys pretty much sum up all the goodies he got!  And I'd also say we're pretty close to being set on fall and winter clothes as well!

Thank you so, so, so much to everyone who came to the party or sent gifts to Dax. We truly are so completely blessed to have such amazing, supportive, and loving friends and family. Thank you for being a part of our little mans life.

A Growing Love

Well here's day two of my anniversary series for me and my hubby....

For our junior and senior year of high school Daniel went to Oklahoma School of Science and Math. During this time he would live in the dorms at that school and we would only see each other on weekends (if that) and could only talk for about an hour or so each night... usually over AIM. The first year of this was a rough adjustment for us and we ended up separating for about six months, the only time in the past 10 years we have been apart. Despite that time being the hardest, longest, toughest six months of my life, I think we can both look back now and attribute who we are and the strength of our relationship now to those six months being apart. Needless to say, after those six months we both new we didn't want to spend another day away from each other for the rest of our lives.

Senior year was great. Though we still only got to see each other on the weekends and occasionally throughout the week when I would bring him McDonalds for dinner, our relationship was better than ever. When he could, he would go to DCHS football games with me and I would go to events at his school with him. We went to each others prom and went to youth group together every Sunday at church. Summers were spent at the lake with my family, at church camp, or just hanging around at each others houses. Our youth group was just awesome and there's no doubt in my mind that our time there and at our AMAZING summer camp (Dayspring) played a huge role in the success of our relationship.

After graduation we decided to both attend the University of Oklahoma where we would spend the next five years together. Our freshman year we both lived in the dorms with awesome roommates and had the best experience I could wish for. Some of my favorite memories of college were late night runs to Burger King in the dorms and walking to and from the library late at night with sushi, coffee and other random snacks and studying in the private rooms with our friends Jacob and Shirlene. Daniel taught me a study ethic that I was not taught in high school and without him there by my side there is no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't have made it through college. He helped me and pushed me and always had confidence in me when I didn't. Daniel joined a fraternity and I joined a sorority that were both small and community service oriented and allowed us to have our own separate thing that we both loved and were passionate about, yet gave us chances to form memories together as well (this picture is from one of my sorority formal). College was an awesome experience and sharing all of those memories and the enormous amounts of growth that happened there with my love is irreplaceable. I think it will be so much fun to be able to tell our kids and grand kids someday about our times together in college... and I look forward to that so much!

Birthdays...

Happy First Birthday Caedmon Michael!!!

Today is this very special little boys first birthday. He doesn't know it yet but he is very lucky to have two of the best parents a little boy could wish for! His mom just happens to have been my best friend since 1st grade and is more like a sister than friend. She is beautiful, smart, fun, a wonderful mom, and not to mention and awesome blogger (like how I threw that plug in there).  We have yet to meet this special little boy in person but I already love him so much. I remember being 7 1/2 months pregnant and anxiously waiting every day to get word that he was here, and then finally getting the message that he was and feeling like a little boy of my own was born.  Now I'm anxiously waiting for our family cruise in March so that I have the chance to spend a whole week with 3 of my favorite people that I rarely get to see. I can't wait to see Daxton and Caedmon play together for the first time... I'm predicting a lot of emotions will start streaming through my head.   Once again though, Happy first birthday sweet Caedmon.... your family in Oklahoma loves you!

Dax's first birthday is around the corner! Decorations are coming together and invites are almost done. My mission today was to find recipes for Daxton's smash cake as well as for the cupcakes for the guest. I think I'm going to use the Banana Cake recipe that Melissa used for Caedmon's smash cake and for the guest cupcakes I think I'll do some with a  basic vanilla recipe and some with a yummy, pretty healthy Strawberry Banana recipe I found this morning. I plan on trying that out soon and when I do I'll give you all the yummy details!

A Little New Mommy Love...

At the time it seems like half of my friends on facebook will be having little ones of their own before long... so this post is dedicated to them :)

Dear New Mommy,

Hello you amazing powerhouse you. As we speak you are taking part in the most amazing, miraculous thing that will ever happen to you. By now you have read all the do's and don'ts for taking care of yourself while you have a precious little angel growing inside of you. And you have also read everything on how to make sure you're little one comes out just perfect, two legs, ten fingers, baby fat... all the necessities :) But needless to say you have also heard everyone (and by everyone I mean everyone... including complete strangers) throw in their two sense on what you should wear, what you should eat, what you think and say. I'd love to say it just gets better after your precious bundle of joy arrives... but I'm nice enough not to lie to you :)

I have very firm ideas and beliefs on how I plan on raising Dax. Some people agree, some don't, some think I'm absolutely insane. But I could honestly care less. And that my friend... is my advice to you. 

As a mom you're going to read a million different books and articles and websites that say what you should and shouldn't do to raise you're own little prodigy. And every single one is going to say something different. Also as a mom... you're going to constantly hear opinions from family, friends, coworkers, and once again, complete strangers on what you are or aren't doing. And once again, please take my advice.... care less. The only opinions that truly matter are yours, your significant other, and your main man upstairs. Do what feels right for you and what works for you and your family. Do your own research and thinking and don't depend on what others have said works for them. Also, don't stick to ages and time lines that others tell you, even doctors. Follow your own babies cues and signs, and once again, stick with your gut. With that said, don't go doing some absolute crazy thing like making your 6 month old start drinking skim milk from a sippy cup instead of formula to get rid of that ever growing baby fat. 

Final words for thought:  There's a thing called the mommy instinct for a reason... follow it. You know your little one better than any doctor, world renown philosopher, family member or friend. For goodness sake... you've had this relationship and bond growing for nine months longer than anyone else. You were literally "one" with your sweet baby. You have reasons for the things you do and there is no need to justify what you're doing and why. As far as I'm concerned, as long as that baby is strong, happy, cared for and loved... you're not doing a thing wrong. 

Keep your head up and stand firm on your beliefs supermom.

Love, 

Kandice

 

Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the simple things in life.... Dax does :)

27...26...25...24.....

The count down is on..... 27 days until the big move. YIKES!  This is coming way too fast and I'm not ok with that! And I'm sure those 27 days will go just as fast at the last month has....  *big breaths*

Starting with last week we have so much going on all the way until the move! Thursday I went to my adorable nephews t-ball game.

He's pretty darn cute in that uniform... but I think he rather find every rock on the field than play ball itself. His nickname is Rocks because that's all he does when he's in the field... search for rocks. You can usually find a back pocket full of rocks by the time the game ends. Thursday night while we were there he hit a home run and was very proud of himself... as was I :)

Dax loved watching the boys run around on the field.... maybe we have a future ball player on our hands??
Friday was, well Friday... therefore, we busted out the ole' moon bounce in the Superstar room...

 

With my time quickly coming to an end as their teacher I'm doing as much as I can to get lots of smiles and fun memories in with these kiddos... boy how I'll miss them!

That night we had dinner with some amazing ladies that I work with to celebrate baby Teagan coming soon! We had so much fun and lots of laughs... plus good food... what could go wrong??
Saturday my wonderful husband watched the baby for  a little while so I could meet a couple girls that I went to school with for lunch! The last year in college I got super close with 3 special ladies and would have gone completely insane without them! They also gave me the cutest baby shower when I was pregnant and I thank them so much for that!  Anyways, I got to meet two of them for lunch at the old stomping ground (The Mont) for lunch! It was SO much fun to catch up with them, reminisce on good times, and talk about our crazy lives we're all living now. I also found out that there will be a new little on come November and I couldn't be happier for Mr. & Mrs. Martin :)     It was really refreshing to get out with friends and not worry about all of the stresses going on right now in life!

So this week includes Easter festivities at work all week, completing my applications for Grad School in the fall, getting the house clean (the landlord is showing it to a potential renter Thursday), Easter egg hunt Saturday morning, niece & nephew birthday party Saturday afternoon, my going away party with work ladies Saturday night, and Easter on Sunday. Man oh man! After that is my birthday, a week of work, a weekend in Tulsa painting the new house, my last week of work (tear), and then the big move! Wow!

Dax is handling all of this chaos like the little trooper he is! Since the last post he officially got his first haircut!

 

BEFORE...

 

and AFTER...

His aunt Kelly did such a good job! My little baby is becoming such a big boy!

He also now how mastered the lizard crawl. For those of you who are asking, "what exactly is a lizard crawl?".... I like to think of it as a step up from the army crawl. Unlike the army crawl.... all four limbs are moving in the correct motion instead of just his arms... but it isn't quite a crawl because he just drags his belly on the ground while doing it. It's surprisingly effective and he gets around pretty quick. Today he actually crawled like a normal child for the first time for a few seconds... but then quickly went back to the lizard.

He's also now making all kinds of fun sounds and is really quite funny. He makes me laugh.. a lot. Especially when he does things like this...

We've also started some snacking/feeding ourselves in the last week! He does so good chewing on his puffs, frozen yogurt bites, and mum mums and LOVES getting to eat them. The mum mums he has mastered eating on his own but we're still working on picking up those tiny puffs and yogurt bites on our own. And I'm one happy momma because I was able to find all three of these things in organic form.... I was like a kid in a candy shop!

Also, a big "winning" moment in the Freno house right now is that all naps are now in the crib!  YESSSSS.  Before he was only napping in his swing when at home and he was quickly out-growing that!  Now we lay him in his crib, tell him night-night, turn on his sound machine, he plays for about 15-20minutes, and then he's asleep. Every once in awhile we have to go in there and pat his butt for a minute but usually he does pretty good just going to sleep. 

Happy Sunday!!