Sunday, September 15, 2013

Becoming Unsilenced Part 2

So part one was written on a Sunday night.... and sat in my draft folder for 5 days.

That's because when I woke up Monday morning everything changed for us.

Our run with secondary infertility was done. Finished. Finito.

I had a positive pregnancy test.

I anxiously waited two hours for Daniel to get home from work so I could break the news to him. Needless to say that was two of the longest hours of my life.

To say we were both surprised and completely shocked is an understatement. Daniel's exact words were, "is this for real??"

But beneath all the excitement I stayed cautious. I told Daniel that evening that I just had a bad feeling and was nervous. I never had this feeling with my first pregnancy. But for some reason, I did this time.

To make a long story short, four days later we spent the day at the emergency room, and soon found out that I was miscarrying.

We have such great great support through our family and close friends (and I feel very blessed that Daniel's residency program was also extremely supportive) ... and that has made this whole experience much easier to handle.  Emotionally, I had prepared myself for this from day one (remember that "gut feeling" that something wasn't right) so I actually handled the news really well. What I wasn't prepared for was the physical toll this would take on my body. Miscarriage was definitely not "as seen on TV" that's for sure. I'm on day four after finding out and today is the first day I've felt okay. It comes and goes.  We've already had one follow up visit and go again tomorrow to discuss the next steps for us.

I wanted to be open and share this with everyone because I've had so many people message me after my last post about our infertility struggles letting me know how helpful it was and letting me know that we have their thoughts and prayers. And if there's one thing I know now, it's that building these relationships with women going through similar situations is so beneficial in healing. And also that the more people we have praying for us, the better.

So yes, right now, we're taking life day by day. And we know our journey to building our family isn't over. There is a silver lining in this, and that is that we now know that we can get pregnant again... and that is such a relief for us.

So stay tuned... because we know in our hearts that our family story is just getting started.

And again I wanted to share a few links with you guys incase you're interested.
When a Friend Loses a Baby
Miscarriage Statistics
After a Miscarriage: Supporting Friends and Family Through Loss

Friday, September 13, 2013

Becoming Unsilenced Part 1

It's been awhile since I've posted...

partly because life has been nuts. We bought our first house, moved 12 hours away, Daniel started residency, I started watching a toddler in our home during the day, and we are all trying to adjust to our completely new, and insane life.

But another reason is because I just haven't had the spirit to write.

I like to blog as a way to express myself, keep in contact with our family and friends, and reflect on what's happening in our lives.

But the past several months my mind has been preoccupied with something else. Something that I didn't want to bother others with, something no one else would possibly be interested in reading, something that is too deep for my happy-go-lucky self.

But finally after a month of signing into blogger, opening up the "new post" page, and then signing back out again.... I feel like I'm finally ready to talk about it.

I'm not sure why I haven't talked about it to anyone (other than a few close friends and few family members). But I just haven't. It's been a really sensitive spot for me and I think not telling anyone was a way of protecting myself from having to talk about it and face all the emotions.

But I've been reading and listening to songs a ton.... and I realized that talking about it is not only going to help me, but may help someone else going through the same thing as me.

Infertility is such a silenced disease.

12% of women, or 1 in 8 married couples face infertility issues. With more than half of those infertility cases being secondary infertility (not being able to conceive after already having a child). That's way more common than I ever thought.... and that's because most of these people don't talk about it. Like I mentioned, it's a very silenced disease.

Daniel and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year now. With Dax it took us 6 months, completely normal for a first pregnancy, but this time around things have been different. We've done everything that is suppose to work, charting basil body temperatures, watching ovulation, etc. For awhile I kept putting it off to busy schedules, stress, work.... anything. But as my doctor has confirmed, even considering those things, it should take 8 months max for a second pregnancy to occur.

So here we are. We've began the process of trying to figure out what the problem is. We've had some lab work ran that hasn't showed anything yet, and will soon be seeing a fertility specialist.

Infertility is such an emotional rollercoaster. You're happy and hopeful one minute, depressed and pessimistic the next. It's a constant monthly waiting game filled with ups and downs. You learn real fast that you can't go through it on your own. For me that has meant turning to my faith. I've been reading the bible and praying and searching for praise and worship songs that fit what I'm going through. I'm surprised almost daily by the messages God is sending me. And while I know God has a plan, and that we will grow our family in one way or another, it doesn't take away from the frustration and pain that the infertility journey brings.

Here are a few links I want to leave all you guys with in case you want to do a little more reading about infertility.
Secondary Infertility
8 Things That Will Not Support Your Friend with Secondary Infertility
Secondary Infertility: Being the Best Kind of Supportive Friend
Infertility Etiquette

More on our journey in the next few days....