Friday, September 13, 2013

Becoming Unsilenced Part 1

It's been awhile since I've posted...

partly because life has been nuts. We bought our first house, moved 12 hours away, Daniel started residency, I started watching a toddler in our home during the day, and we are all trying to adjust to our completely new, and insane life.

But another reason is because I just haven't had the spirit to write.

I like to blog as a way to express myself, keep in contact with our family and friends, and reflect on what's happening in our lives.

But the past several months my mind has been preoccupied with something else. Something that I didn't want to bother others with, something no one else would possibly be interested in reading, something that is too deep for my happy-go-lucky self.

But finally after a month of signing into blogger, opening up the "new post" page, and then signing back out again.... I feel like I'm finally ready to talk about it.

I'm not sure why I haven't talked about it to anyone (other than a few close friends and few family members). But I just haven't. It's been a really sensitive spot for me and I think not telling anyone was a way of protecting myself from having to talk about it and face all the emotions.

But I've been reading and listening to songs a ton.... and I realized that talking about it is not only going to help me, but may help someone else going through the same thing as me.

Infertility is such a silenced disease.

12% of women, or 1 in 8 married couples face infertility issues. With more than half of those infertility cases being secondary infertility (not being able to conceive after already having a child). That's way more common than I ever thought.... and that's because most of these people don't talk about it. Like I mentioned, it's a very silenced disease.

Daniel and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year now. With Dax it took us 6 months, completely normal for a first pregnancy, but this time around things have been different. We've done everything that is suppose to work, charting basil body temperatures, watching ovulation, etc. For awhile I kept putting it off to busy schedules, stress, work.... anything. But as my doctor has confirmed, even considering those things, it should take 8 months max for a second pregnancy to occur.

So here we are. We've began the process of trying to figure out what the problem is. We've had some lab work ran that hasn't showed anything yet, and will soon be seeing a fertility specialist.

Infertility is such an emotional rollercoaster. You're happy and hopeful one minute, depressed and pessimistic the next. It's a constant monthly waiting game filled with ups and downs. You learn real fast that you can't go through it on your own. For me that has meant turning to my faith. I've been reading the bible and praying and searching for praise and worship songs that fit what I'm going through. I'm surprised almost daily by the messages God is sending me. And while I know God has a plan, and that we will grow our family in one way or another, it doesn't take away from the frustration and pain that the infertility journey brings.

Here are a few links I want to leave all you guys with in case you want to do a little more reading about infertility.
Secondary Infertility
8 Things That Will Not Support Your Friend with Secondary Infertility
Secondary Infertility: Being the Best Kind of Supportive Friend
Infertility Etiquette

More on our journey in the next few days....


  1. Thank you for sharing Kandice. Although I am not actively ttc, but I do empathize with you on infertility. I also have fertility issues to overcome. I will pray for you and your growing family. God is already doing his work through you, and I have every faith that he will give you another child. Thanks for recognizing his call to use your testimony to touch others lives.

  2. Thank you so much for writing this! I know it must have been hard. We've been having some problems of our own and I would really love to talk to you about it if you ever want to email me-

  3. You are BACK! Yay! I missed you...hopefully that doesn't sound too creepy...but I missed your blog because I really like it:)

    I am so sorry to hear about the secondary infertility. That really, really stinks.