Those four weeks have been full of resting and recovering, mentally and physically. For probably the first two weeks afterwards, all of my energy was focused on healing physically. I had been through the ringer to say the least.... and every bit of energy I had mentally and physically was put towards physically healing. The past two weeks emotional healing has taken the drivers seat and continues to take me on quite the adventure.
I think the best way to break down my last four weeks in a way that will help someone else who has gone through this journey or will go through this journey is to break down my recovery, week by week.
Week 1: I went in for the rupture on Saturday morning, and stayed at the hospital until Monday afternoon. The evening after surgery they had me stand up for the first time. That lasted about 2 minutes and I physically couldn't handle it anymore. So we waited another day and we tried again. This time I walked a few feet down the hall, and made it back to bed. The walking itself wasn't that awful... it was the getting up and down out of bed that was miserable. During my hospital stay they were coming in my room every 2 hours and checking my vitals so rest was minimal. In my 3 day hospital stay, we had several of Daniel's coworkers come by and check in on us. Through everything we've been through over the last month we have been completely reassured that this residency program is the perfect one for us. They've been so so wonderful and we couldn't be more thankful.
After coming home I was taking ibuprofen and prescription strength pain meds regularly, my moving was from the bed to the couch and back again, and I had to sleep with literally 5 pillows around me to be comfortable. Week one the majority of my pain was from the incision spot itself. I was also very tired and got light headed really easy and fast, sometimes even when just sitting on the couch. Unfortunately my appetite remained at basically nothing (other than a few bites of my mom's meatloaf and a few sips of soup).
Week 2: This week was better.... but not anywhere near normal yet. Getting up and down was still the biggest pain, and though I could go further now, I continued to walk like the Hunch Back of Notre Dame. This week I started having some cramping as well. It wasn't all day long, but would randomly come here and there and would almost feel like a contraction that lasted a few seconds and then went away. By the end of this week I had cut back to only taking my strong pain meds at bed time and ibuprofen throughout the day. I was still dealing with exhaustion, light headedness, and loss of appetite but it was slightly better than the last week. I also had my first follow up visit this week. He said my incision looked great and I seemed to be getting around really well. I had more blood work done to see where my beta was at... 150.... so it was dropping great from the 11,000 it was at when I ruptured. When it finally falls below 5 my body should get back to normal hormone and cycle wise. He let me know that after 2 regular cycles we can begin trying to conceive again if we're ready. My risk of another ectopic does now go up an additional 15% so I'll start seeing the doctor day one next time we conceive (no waiting until 6-8 weeks like the normal person would do). And speaking of conceiving, he let me know that my chances of conceiving now drop by 30% because of only having one tube, but that he sees "lots of little Sooners running around" in our future. If we haven't conceived again in 6 months, then we'll continue on with seeing a fertility specialist.
Week 3: I could finally drive and go up and down stairs now so I feel like a new woman :) Week three was a big turning point for me. I am no longer taking any sort of pain medication! Cramping was a lot less than the week before and now my biggest pain was not being able to be comfortable in once position very long. Because of feeling better physically (and because of my whacked out hormones trying to return to normal) I was a little more emotional this week. I had days where I was completely okay, and days where I was pretty down. I was sad that I lost a baby after trying for over a year, frustrated that all of this craziness happened to me, and worried about having lost one tube and it affecting my chances of having any future children. Pretty much you name the emotion, I had it.
Week 4: We're in week four now. Physically I'm doing great. Moving around like normal (still have restrictions on what all I can do for another 2 weeks but for the most part things are back to normal), haven't been having any cramping, and my energy level is back up. My appetite has finally returned (after losing 10lbs) and I'm only getting light headed when I get up and down. Right now my biggest pain is that I'm still pretty swollen around my incision site...making it tender and a pain to wear anything other than gym shorts (which normally I would not complain about, but right now I just want my body to feel normal again). I also have stitches poking out at each end of my incision site which are really annoying. Emotionally, I'm doing a little better than last week. I still have days where I'm down but it's much less than last week. I went to church this week for the first time in a month and that definitely lifted my spirits.I go back to see my doctor on Monday so hopefully it's all good news then as well.
Today is October 15, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day.... and the first time I'm really taking part. I had heard of the date before because of a few people in my life that have lost babies, but today is the first time that I'm truly a part of it. I have a candle lit in honor of our angel baby and all those who have ever been affected by pregnancy or infant loss. I've been so touched by the number of people who have sent me a message or who have let me know that they have a candle lit in honor of our angel. If you have a moment today.... please light a candle and say a quick prayer for all of those who are touched by today.
I'll be posting in the next few days about a few things I've learned over the past month....so stay tuned for that.
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