and he's off....

Well I just got back from dropping Dax off at daycare for the first time in almost 4 months, and I"m not going to lie.... I cried all the way home, and probably will most of the time I type this.  Dax was in daycare for 6 months when he was little, but the majority of that time he was in a classroom right next door to mine and I could stop in and see him as many times as I wanted throughout the day.  At the beginning of May I quit teaching in order to make our move to Bixby and since then have been a full time stay at home mom.

It has been the absolute hardest job I have ever had, but by far the most fulfilling.

I have loved staying at home taking care of the baby and house more than anything. I love teaching, but have been my happiest and most fulfilled while staying at home. I know it's just not an option right now while Daniel's in med school but hopefully I'll get to do it again sometime in the future... and I can't wait for that day.

Monday I start student teaching. I'll do this for a semester and then will be certified to teach in Oklahoma (after I pass the OPTE & OSAT). To be completely honest I'm not really looking forward to this at all, which I know is an awful awful attitude to have (and I'm praying for that to change everyday). But like I said, I have felt more fulfilled staying with Dax than I ever have teaching, and I have never looked forward to teaching in public schools... it just doesn't go along with how I view education and learning.  I have also been doubting myself in my ability to teach more in the last few weeks than I ever have and that's not helping much with the attitude towards this student teaching experience. If I can make it through the first 8 weeks I think I'll be happier and look forward to it a little more.
My student teaching is broke into two separate experiences. The first 8 weeks I'll be working in a 2nd grade classroom at a HUGE (as in like 5 times as many students as I graduated with, and that's only through 4th grade) public school nearby.  The last 8 weeks I'm actually somewhat looking forward to. I'll be teaching a pre-k class in a private school that follows the Reggio Emelia approach to education (if you haven't heard of it, please, please check it out!). This is right up my alley and goes right along with everything I believe. We actually have Dax on the wait list for this school in hopes of starting him fall 2012.  I'm also looking forward to the fact that this is a Pre-K class because infants through Pre-K are my ideal ages to teach. If this was first I think the transition from being stay at home mom to teaching would be a lot easier.

Please continue to pray for Dax and I as we make this transition. I'm sure he'll love it and do just fine... so I guess most of the prayers should be sent my way. Pray for strength to do what's necessary for my family at this time, confidence in my ability to teach, and peace of mind and heart during all the changes this semester holds for us.
This was the verse in my devotional I got by email today from Parenting by Design.  So, so perfect.

Ps 27:13-14:  "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" (NKJV).